FEAR OR FOBIA?

  I was a little girl,of about five or six and some of the things I remember,from that age in my life,is still sò full of detail,that it might just as well,have happened last year…I was only six…

  We weren’t rich and my parents could barely afford àny extras,except for when it came,to buying their liquor for the weekend.My mother was a “stay at home mom” because it was expected of women,after marriage.There wasn’t any daycare centers,or crèches in any case.We also only got to attend school,in the year your birthday falls,before the fifteenth June and with all the luck, already turning against me,my birthday falls on the seventeenth!!This meant that some of my friends, went to school earlier and made new friends in school.About six women including mother,got together,between ten and twelve,in the morning, where they knitted our school jerseys or socks and gossip.Two of them were sister in law’s and had more than enough money,but stingy!!

It was on a early Monday morning,after the husbands were off to work and the children already off to school,that the ladies prepared their weekday “get together” that they realized,one friend wasn’t pitching.I was taken by the hand and down the street the lot of us went…mom,the other four women and me,the only child,still not in school.When we got at her gate,half her kitchen was blown away and we weren’t allowed on the premises,until the fire brigade secured everything.She was covered in burned ashes and the stench hanging in the air,was unbearable.This lady’s whole world,was turned upside down,in the blink of an eye.Her daughter,in the same class as my eldest sister jùst left, for school.She was on her way to my sister,to walk to school together,when she heard an earpiercing,thundering explosion,coming from her righthand side.She fell down and when she got up, she could just stare in disbelieve…The one corner wall,of their house,where the “cooking” kitchen was supposed to be,was blown away.She met her mom halfway in and her mom dragged her away…it was the aftermath,of the gas bottle,that exploded with no apparent reason….Gas bottles were everything but safe,back then!!!What cracked that grade 8 child and her mother totally,was the fact the husband/father was so close to the gas bottle and right in the way,when it exploded.He died instantly…..
I had different fears,for lots of things,over the years… Thunder and lightning… I only got to enjoy the beauty,of this spactacular side of raging nature,about 5 years ago…still respect it’s deadly powers though and then,the one I just can nòt get rid of…nighttime.If I’m not alone,I’m still by”by myself but when I’m alone,it’s way worse,because the night puts one,in such a vulnerable place.
A really bad,bàd fear I dìd overcome,was using “my husband’s”gasstove,only because he showed me repeatedly ànd of course,because it egnites automatically.Another bìg one for me,was to regulate the gas and to light the older gas bottle,with the lighter…I did it!!A few times, during the past three days.So proud of myself…

I don’t think people should be marginalized,when there is a decision to make,between fears and/or fobia’s.Only yòù know your level of fear and even if two people,have the same extreme fear of something,it’s still not the same experience,as each one’s experience is unique and extreme to him/her.
I think everybody should decide for themsèlves….Are one of  what you’re most scared of, or what yòù’re experiencing,FEAR or FOBIA

That time of night,for me…to do what I like most;writing.Other people can talk for hours at a time, but I’d rather write my words down.It’s so much easier,to give wings to my real thoughts,when there isn’t a audience,to interrupt,or correct me.To try and convince me,that things that I remember clèàrly from my earliest childhood,can not be,as I was too small to remember.Well I remember and want to tell…