SHOULD I…?

As some of you may already know,I’m part of the QORA team,answering questions,based on my personal life’s experiences….

SOME BACKGROUND …since I’m in my 3rd marriage….was married for nearly 5 years and had the 1st three,of the 4 children… divorced….
Got married again,was for nearly 5 years,4th child was born and I was widowed.
Remarried again and is still married,for nearly 24 years(30/03)now.
Also,because of my 4 adult children and 7 grandkids, most of my questions,revolve around my children and marriages.
My children weren’t born,with an instruction manual and I was only 17, when my 1st son was born.Then my 2nd son was born,nearly a year,after my 18th birthday and my eldest daughter was born,half a month,before my 21st birthday.Nearly 7 years later,my youngest daughter was born,in my 2nd marriage.

“CLEVER” YOUTH?

When I was still around 18/19,I went through more hell,than women of 25-30 knew of.The knowledge that I had about relationships,marriages and children,was something that let their jaws,drop to the ground.I could sense,that the older women thought,I had a vicious imagination.Some would talk behind the hand and I saw those “shame,she’s got a wild imagination” looks they gave each other sometimes,when they think I’m not looking.
I knew more about sex, than they could imagine and I think some of them,would never get to know,what I knew,at such a young age,even when they’re much older.

AFFAIRS

I never discussed,the sexual side of my life,with other people….
While they were gossiping behind their hands,I could understand,why so many of their husbands had affairs.They may have had a poor opinion of me,but I couldn’t care less…
I got pregnant prematurely,by choice and if they were unbiased and listened to me,intensely,they would not have judged me.

BACK TO THE QUESTIONS ON QORA:

This specific question,had me thinking,about the way I raised my children…I wouldn’t have allowed my son,to do it and I’m almost certain,my grandchildren won’t get away with it,from their parents….


HAVE CHILDREN LATER?

I think it’s one of the reasons,a person should have children,a little later in life… If you’re as young as I was,you haven’t developed you’re own ideas,about raising your children and you tend,to follow your parent’s way of upbringing.

Not saying it’s bad!!!It’s just that we,as people constantly have to adapt,to the fast pace of life and demands,the social world put us in.We’re permanently changing to fit in,be it personally,socially,physically,mentally…so we need to adapt,the upbringing of our children too…

Children are also evolving,to fit in the life,to live at a faster pace.They are expected to perform better,at an earlier age.

BECAUSE I SAID SO…

I had my children too young and raised my children with the same iron fist,my mother raised me with.I wouldn’t see their point,as I was NEVER allowed,to air mine.They had to do things,“because I said so” instead of giving them an explanation,so they’d understand better.Even if it was only sometimes….

There are certain things,that children should only know,around the “marginal guidelines”but they should also know certain things,based on their personal maturity and merits…. Some children already know more about sex,at the age of 9,but they’re personally more mature and responsible,than the 11 year old,that should be told about sex,according to social “marginal guidelines”

OLDER-WISER?
Now that I’m older,I tend to tell my children,to take it easier with their children and they’d say,that they were raised that way and they did good….then I’d say,that they hàve to remember,the difference in raising children,30 years ago and today.

30 YEARS AGO..

30 years ago,children just started with TV games” and they spent most of their time,playing outside. Nòw,my eldest grandson-and-daughter,are expected to do tasks on laptops,use calculators in class,are overloaded with schoolwork and actually don’t have the time,to just be children,anymore.Wày different 30 years ago.

GENDER “FREE”

Fashion changes yearly and the youth wànt to be gender free.No more pink for girls and blue for boys.”Hipster”jeans are gender free,as are hair styles,jewelry and make up.

With thàt comes the bad too….children don’t get up, to give their seat to a pregnant woman,or èven an elderly person.The previous”“manly”chivalry,of opening a car door,for àny lady in your company,opening a building door and show her the way,let her choose hèr favourite restaurant,choose the wine,after tasting,or take her,to see hèr favourite movie.Some are not as proud,to be the soul provider anymore.They sort of expect women,to “pay their own way”

MÓRE BAD…

Women don’t want to stay at home and look after the children and men have to assist more,with household chores and other previous“traditionally” women’s jobs.More men don’t “suit up“,for office anymore and less women dress up too.Women won’t loose out,on the predominantly,male corporate world and would rather,have a selective C-section,between two and three in the afternoon,than to miss out,on a chance to fight,for a promotion in the boardroom,against men.


GOOD TOO!!!

Women don’t stay off work, as easily anymore,regarding family responsibility.At last men are doing their part.Men are allowed “paternaty” leave,which helps a great lot,bonding with their baby and sharing the responsibilities,on raising their children.Women don’t have to rush to work, because she had to make sure,the whole family is fed and ready for the day.Men tend to be of more help, around the kitchen.She doesn’t have to rush,picking up the children and start cooking,when she gets home,her husband most probably already started supper.

Children are more independent and less “work” Luckely they have institutions,like kindergarten,pre-school and after-school caretaking,by teacherswho help them,with their homework and sporting activities.They’re not prone to as many illnesses,as we were as children,thanks to mandatory vaccinations.They need mòre modern technology and mòre expensive things,but are more independent and tend to try to solve problems,by themselves.

SÓ IN BETWEEN…?

Regarding the question… Of course parents should be more strict,when it comes to some things,but they should also be more lenient,with things thèy weren’t happy with,as a kid  30 or 40 years ago.Children already know more,at the age of 15,than you did when you were 21,about 30 years ago.
Because of my religious background,beliefs and personal “values” (not that others dòn’t have values…
It just differs from mine”) I don’t agree,with children having the right to decide their sex,after they were born with the genitals sexing them,or same sex relationships,but I don’t judge gay,lesbian òr transgender people and we have friends,both gays and lesbians.
I love some of the talented,gay bands/groups/artists,like Boy George,Erasure and who doesn’t love Sir Elton John,Freddy Mercury,George Michael’s beautiful voice(and looks, years ago)Adam Lambert,Lance from ‘N Sync.
What about Sport:Martina Navratilova was fenominal and Billie Jean….how surprised I was,when I found out about the swimmer Ian Thorpe!!!LOVE,LOVE,LOVE Judge Rinders and I like to watch RuPaul’s “Drag”

Boys don’t really want to be boys,like in yester-year and the same with girls…and it’s okay,because everybody is doing their best,for the next person,regardless of their sexual preferences…..only sorry,that sòme of them,also try and destroy others,still living on the promises and ideas of yesterday.

REMEMBERING THE 70’s song “Lola”…

“Boys will be girls and girls will be boys”….was “predicted” in the 70’s already…It’s a mixed up world we’re livin’ in”



TIME TO GIVE YOUR CHILD FREEDOM….

Don’t force all yòùr beliefs on them…how do yòù know,if you will still be right,or thèy were wrong,ten years from today….?
Times are changing quick and it has been,since the dawn of mankind….it’s not going to stop,because of your beliefs,your rulings, your(maybe?)selfish “parental rights” They have to be inquisitive,we expect them to,so don’t plan their adult life,beforehand.They have to excel,we expect them to.Don’t break their speed,if they move too fast for you.They have to succeed,we expect them to do better,than we did,so don’t decide their successes,according to your specifications.

GIVE YOUR ADULT CHILDREN,THE RESPECT AND POWER TO DECIDE! THEY DESERVE IT…IT’S WHAT YÓU TAUGHT THEM.

Learn how to speak your child’s language…it may seem,like something out of this world….your parents didn’t try it with you,so it’s not going to be easy,at first.


The question on Qora….
My son wants to wear leggings,at home….
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Should I “give” my adult “child” “permission”to do,what so many other men and woman,around the world do(gender free remember….?)
LET HIM WEAR THAT LEGGINGS AT HOME…?

YES!!!

TOTALLY
Because I raised and trust my child’s decisions and opinions…because I raised him,to have values and respect,for others,but also SELFRESPECT.I knòw,he’ll use his own good judgment,that I so lovingly taught him and if this means,wanting to wear leggings,I support his ADULT DISCRETION.



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